All of us fear failure to some degree, but for people with substance abuse problems it can send them careening down the path to relapse. Failure can mean different things to different people, and sometimes what we view as failure is really just a setback. A relapse, for example, isn’t a failure. It happens more often than you’d think, and it doesn’t mean that your chances at recovery are doomed, just that you need to try again and maybe explore other options. Here are some facts about failure.
When you fail once, it makes you feel like the same goal cannot ever be reached. It’s disheartening, to be sure, if you relapse or don’t finish treatment, but it’s not the end of the road. If you applied for a new job and didn’t get it, you wouldn’t say, “Well, I tried; clearly I’m never going to get a job, so I’ll just give up.” The same should be true for lapses in recovery.
Failure makes you doubt yourself. When you don’t land that new job, you might start questioning all of your skills and abilities. It’s tempting to think that your education wasn’t impressive enough, or your previous jobs weren’t worthwhile, or the people you listed as references didn’t like you as much as you thought they did. With addiction, it would be all too easy to tell yourself that you just don’t have the strength or willpower. What you have to remember is how much strength it took to seek help in the first place. You did it once, and you can do it again.
One failure can make you develop a fear of future failures. After you lost out on that job, you were so disheartened that it took you days to drag yourself out of a funk. You were tempted to seek out all sorts of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and just generally felt terrible about yourself. It’s natural to want to avoid pain, but unfortunately it’s a normal part of life. If you’ve relapsed, you’re going to think about all the uncomfortable parts of detox and how hard you worked in treatment, and it might be hard to talk yourself into going through it again. The truth is, the only way you’re going to fail is by giving up. No matter how many tries it takes, there’s always hope for recovery.
Fear of failure can lead to you sabotaging yourself. If you’re convinced things are going to end terribly, sometimes you will consciously or subconsciously do something to ensure that you do fail. You’re on your third rejection after a job interview, and you decide, it doesn’t matter what I do, no one is going to hire me, so next time you don’t bother trying to look your best or put your best foot forward. Similarly, if you go into recovery convinced that it won’t last, it’s going to be that much easier to give in to your triggers.
If you or a loved one need help with quitting drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504.
