Many people, whether they are addicts or not, will deal at some point in their lives with remorse or sadness over actions that have hurt others. It may not be a pleasant feeling, but it’s important to face it head on without letting it consume you. Much like overcoming a fear, once you face your guilty feelings, the no longer have the power to control you, or in this case, keep you from a successful recovery.
Guilt can be a result of things you both have and have not done as a result of substance abuse. You might have started arguments with your spouse because of the emotional changes wrought by drug use or withdrawal. Perhaps you forgot to attend a child’s event or pick them up from school. If your family has stuck by you through recovery, let your guilt become motivation to do right by them in the future. Keep in mind that guilt can sometimes cause you to exaggerate the amount of harm you’ve caused or take responsibility for the problems of others. You are only responsible for your own choices.
There is a step beyond guilt that will only set you back in your recovery – shame. Where guilt allows you to acknowledge that something you did was bad, shame tells you that you as a person are bad, or that you that cannot be fixed. Shame would keep you from attempting to mend fences with your family because you would believe that you don’t deserve it. It’s important to remember that punishing yourself does not help the people you may have hurt. Overcoming shame on your own can be all but impossible, and it’s important to seek out help in the form of therapy or support groups to deal with these emotions.
Acknowledging guilt can actually be a positive thing. By speaking about it with people in your recovery network who have struggled with the same feelings, you can build closer ties with people who will be able to support you. Twelve-step programs stress the importance of making amends; rule nine is: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” This can involve making up for the wrong that you’ve done and the hurt you’ve caused directly to the injured party, or by doing good deeds in general. Let yourself feel the guilt, learn from it, apologize, do what you can to make up for it, and then move on. Don’t hold on to guilt forever, or it will eventually stand in the way of your recovery.
Forgiveness is a part of the process too. Not only will guilt lead you to seek forgiveness from the people you’ve hurt, but eventually you will learn to forgive yourself for the things you have done and said when you were using.
If you or a loved one need help to quit drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504.
