Words have power. Anyone who has ever struggled with depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues knows how easily one word can trigger a slew of negative thoughts. Sometimes the speaker is deliberately being malicious, but too often a person can have the best of intentions and still make a disastrous misstep. If a friend or loved one is in recovery from substance abuse, it’s important to know that relapse is all too easy in the early days, and you should consider the things you say or ask carefully. Here are some things you should not say to a recovering addict:
- “I had no idea that you had a problem.” You might think that you’re complimenting the person on how well they managed to cope and carry on with everyday life while struggling with addiction, but statements like this can easily provoke feelings of shame. Part of the stigma of addiction is the assumption that all addicts are sleeping under bridges in tattered secondhand clothes.
- “Come on, you can have just one drink; it’s a holiday!” If your loved one was able to limit themselves to just one drink (or hit of marijuana, or whatever), they wouldn’t have had to go through treatment in the first place. Even the sight of drugs and alcohol can be enough to send someone into a full-blown relapse.
- “So, are you cured now?” There is no cure for addiction. It’s a lifelong disease that must be managed. People can learn to cope with their triggers and find other ways to enjoy life, but that doesn’t mean they are no longer addicts.
- “Wow, it sucks that you can’t drink/do drugs anymore. How do you have fun?” Again, addiction is a disease that one learns to manage. You wouldn’t ask someone with cancer how they’ll ever have fun again.
- “How long have you been sober?” First of all, that’s really none of your business. Recovery is a private thing and your loved one shouldn’t feel pressured to tell you all about it. Also, someone might have been sober for years before having a relapse, and it’s common for them to feel guilt and shame for what they perceive as a failure. Bringing it up is only going to make them feel worse.
- “I know how you feel.” No, you really don’t. Just because you watched someone else go through recovery or even did so yourself doesn’t mean that everyone’s experience is the same.
You might have the best intentions when you go into a conversation, but that doesn’t mean you won’t accidentally cause harm. Think before you speak and choose your words carefully. Remember that everyone has a right to privacy and respect, and just because you’re curious doesn’t mean you should ask.
If you or a loved one need help with quitting drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504.
