If you’re raising a teenager, you probably find yourself struggling daily to reach a balance between keeping them safe and healthy and trying to let them have a certain amount of independence to find themselves. Unfortunately, with the prevalence of drug abuse today, it can be harder than ever to resist the urge to hide a video camera in their room somewhere (FYI, don’t do that. It’s definitely on the wrong side of the line). How do you keep track of your teen without alienating them? Is a teenager even really entitled to privacy?
Teens do need a certain amount of space. They’re growing both physically and psychologically, starting to figure out who they are and what they want, and they can’t do that if you’re constantly looking over their shoulder. Consider what would happen if you never let your teen make a single decision for himself, and then one day he leaves the nest for college and has absolutely no idea how to be responsible on his own. He won’t know how to tell true friends from bad influences, because you always policed the people he spent time with. He won’t know how to stand up for himself or say no if you always did it for him. As much as you might not like the idea, making mistakes is a part of growing up, and it allows us to learn and become better in the future.
If you think back to being a teenager, you can probably remember how your bedroom felt like a safe place, a sanctum you could return to if you needed to be alone or think things through or just have a good cry. If your mother or father ever burst in without warning, you probably thought some pretty uncharitable things about them. Just because your child is being a little bit antisocial or secretive doesn’t mean something terrible is going on; it just means they want a little space.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be a completely hands-off parent. You can compromise by saying, “I am going to come into your room every other day to make sure your dirty dishes aren’t becoming sentient and to pick up dirty laundry,” instead of barging in whenever you feel like it. You can set rules about what sorts of things they can do in their free time and require the occasional check-in, instead of monitoring the GPS on their phone. Ask for the passwords to social media sites of their cell phone, but promise to only use them if they do something to make you think they’re in trouble.
Make sure they understand that all bets are off if they break your trust. This compromise has to be a two-way street, and if they start missing curfew or acting out of character, you reserve the right to start searching drawers for drugs.
If you or a loved one need help with quitting drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504 to get started.
