If your teenager has been using drugs or alcohol, you might wonder how to reaffirm your authority over him. Particularly if they are nearing adulthood, teens tend to view themselves as too old to be grounded and may argue or just storm out of the house when you try to confront them. Setting rules and following through on the consequences of breaking them is important for all children, but especially for teens. So how do you do it?
First of all, you should be talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol well before they’re old enough to consider trying them. If they know all of the consequences – not just the rules you laid out but all of the potential harmful effects to their mental and physical health – they can’t try later to tell you that they didn’t know better. If you’ve clearly stated, for example, that if you ever catch your teen drinking you’re going to take their car keys away for a month or not give them any spending money, and then you follow through with this punishment at the first offense, you might prevent it from happening again.
While you should absolutely follow through on these consequences, it doesn’t have to be antagonistic. Again, forming a relationship with your child where you can communicate openly and honestly is something that should be done earlier in childhood. If your teen knows that he can talk to you, he might share some of the reasons why he decided to try drinking or drugs. If he’s feeling stressed out by school or suffering from depression or anxiety, these are things you can work on getting help for. If he’s doing it as experimentation or to fit in with friends, you might want to consider banning him from seeing those friends again. If it’s boredom, you can help him find some hobbies or positive ways to spend his time.
You could also consider some alternative methods of punishment that will fill his free time and teach him more responsibility. For example, if he’s old enough to work, tell him that he’s expected to find a part time job if he wants any spending money or money to put gas in his car. Or have him do yard work or other chores around the house for you and your neighbors.
Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is that you clearly lay out the rules, state the consequences for breaking these rules, and then follow through with them every time. Don’t tell yourself “well, it was just one drink” or one hit of marijuana or one pill. This first time is the most important as far as him deciding if he’s going to try again.
If you or a loved one need help with quitting drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504 to get started.
