One of the most important things you can do as a parent is establish open communication with your child. If they know that they can come to with their problems, and that you’ll listen and react fairly, the odds that they’re going to get into serious trouble as a teenager or young adult are considerably lower. This is true for anything – cheating at school, having sex, getting into fights – but maybe the most important is preventing drug and alcohol use, or at least cutting it off before it turns into a serious issue. In 2015, 4,235 people between the ages of 15 and 24 died from a drug overdose. There’s no way to know how many of those might have been avoided with parental intervention, but there are things you can do to prevent your child from becoming a statistic – starting with learning how to listen.
It might sound simple enough – all you have to do to listen is sit there and let the words flow over you, right? The truth is that it’s not always so easy, if your teen is hesitant to talk or if you’re easily distracted or prone to butting in with your own opinions. Here are some strategies to become a better listener.
Make sure that your child understands that it’s safe to tell the truth. Make sure he knows that he can talk about anything, and you won’t jump to conclusions, blame him, or ridicule him.
Keep distractions to a minimum. Don’t sit in front of the television or allow your teen to play on his phone while you’re trying to have a conversation. Don’t answer your own phone or allow any other interruptions while you’re talking (for example, if you have other kids who are likely to barge in, make sure they’re occupied elsewhere and leave your spouse or an older child in charge of supervision).
Let your child vent. Sometimes people, even adults, just need to complain for a while and get things off their chest. Providing a safe space to let out frustration will keep it from building up and keep your teen from turning to unhealthy ways of coping with it.
Make sure your teen knows you’re listening. Nodding and smiling are good, but he’s probably smart enough to be aware that you can nod along while not really paying attention. You can rephrase your teen’s comments to show him you’ve heard what he’s saying, or ask the occasional question to clarify. If you feel that you really can’t be a good listener at that moment – say you’re just too tired to concentrate, or you have an important phone call that you absolutely can’t miss – be honest about it and schedule your talk for another time.
Pay special attention to topics that have to do with drugs or alcohol. Maybe your teen mentions a kid at school who got busted for drinking, or a celebrity who’s in rehab again. Ask him what he thinks about those people or that type of behavior. You can use this as a teachable moment, but don’t turn it into a lecture. Remember that you’re supposed to be listening. You might want to file his responses away for later and set aside to really focus on this subject.
If you or a loved one need help with quitting drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504 to get started.
