If you’ve ever been close with a person with a substance abuse problem, you know that it can involve a lot of heartbreak. When you first notice that something is going on with them, they might be in denial about it, or they might insist that they’re going to change, that this is the last time. Unfortunately, it rarely is the last time. They might continue getting steadily worse, or there might be a long period of ups and downs. Sometimes it can be so difficult to believe that things will ever take a turn for the better that you start considering cutting this person out of your life altogether. Odds are good that they have stolen from you, lied to you, had you lie for them, started fights, and gotten into accidents, and you finally decided enough was enough. What happens when that person seems to actually be on the road to recovery, though? Do you trust that it will last this time? How can you know if you should let them back in your life?
It’s a choice that’s going to be different for everyone. If the addict in your life was verbally or physically abusive, it’s probably safer not to believe them if they say it was just the drugs or alcohol making them act that way. This is especially true if there is a child in the picture. The fact is that intoxication alone doesn’t cause violence, and if someone is willing to hit you while under the influence, they’re most likely willing to hit you when sober.
If your friend or loved one was in the habit of stealing from you to finance their substance abuse, you might be wary about allowing them back into your home. If you do decide to invite them back, it might be a good idea to treat them as you would a stranger, at least until they’re farther into their recovery. Keep your alcohol and medications hidden away, and put your small valuables in a safe or other secure spot. You might feel guilty for not trusting them, but trust has to be earned, and it can be hard to repair once broken.
Be clear about what you expect and what you’re willing to tolerate. Don’t feel bad about employing some tough love. You have every right to set some boundaries, and if your loved one has gone through proper treatment, he or she will understand that it’s going to take some time for things to return to normal, if they ever do.
Even if you desperately want things to go back to normal, there’s probably a voice in the back of your mind that’s afraid to let them back in, in case everything gets ruined again. The unfortunate truth is that relapse is common, and it might be in your best interest to be a little wary at first. In the end, you’re the only one who understands your feelings and situation and can make this choice.
If you or a loved one need help with quitting drugs or alcohol, consider Asana Recovery. We offer medical detox, along with both residential and outpatient programs, and you’ll be supervised by a highly trained staff of medical professionals, counselors, and therapists. Call us any time at (949) 438-4504 to get started.
